Unpopular Belief #2: Justice Doesn’t Mean Jail Time

In the United States, there are 311,591,917 people (2011 Census). 

There were 579,993 convicted sex offenders. Less than 1 percent of the (US) population is a convicted sex offender. But if a sexual assault is happening (about) every 45 seconds, we’re looking at about 628,992 sexual assaults a year. 

I’m sitting here looking at Family Watch Dog, trying to get an idea of how many people are convicted sex offenders in my area. In my immediate neighborhood boundaries, there’s no one. But if I open that up to the areas that I truly travel, there’s 60 offenders. 

My point here isn’t that there’s a bunch of offenders. It’s that jail time isn’t solving our issues. Jail time doesn’t mean justice. Unfortunately, the likeliness of rape being convicted is very low. And many people depend on a conviction to “heal” them from their rape. Reporting a sexual assault is hard enough. To go through the court process isn’t going to make it better — it’ll make it more difficult. I say this, not to deter you, but to give you perspective. We’re looking at about 580,000 sexual offenders in the US. And these are just the convicted ones. 

Did you know when offenders get out (because, if they even spend time in jail, they’re likely to get out), they have the highest chance of repeating a crime (5% over the average 1% for other crimes)? Clearly, jail time isn’t stopping these individuals from committing these crimes. 

We have to keep in mind that just from these estimated statistics (one assault every 45 seconds), 49,000 offenders aren’t being tracked. At the end of the day, it’s likely that your offender is in one of two categories… in the 50,000 who aren’t even being noticed… or in the small bundle of them who are on the list, but never truly spent time in jail. 

Jail isn’t going to solve their problem. And it won’t solve yours. You may feel safer, but you aren’t dealing with those issues by throwing away his/her key. You’re simply locking them up, until they’re ready to come out. Jail time doesn’t mean that s/he won’t sexually assault someone. If you flip back to my post regarding prison rape, you’ll see that a great deal of inmates are sexually assaulted. Jail time is a way to hope that those individuals are punished. However, we’ve all been in trouble once or twice (and sometimes three times), and sometimes, we repeat those mistakes or situations. Punishment won’t necessarily cure or mend a perpetrator. I’m not sure what will, if anything can. 

Don’t really on jail time to solve, cure, and heal your pain. Rely on you and your strength and the support of friends and family to heal your pain. Jail time is an added bonus. 

I’m aware that many people feel that jail time is the only answer. The recidivism rate is 5.3%, which is fairly high considering the number of offenders who are actually spending time in jail — therefore, being put in jail clearly isn’t correcting their behaviors. And when they’re in jail, we as survivors have to ensure that we are doing our part by healing. 

To read Ali’s other “Unpopular Belief: Rapists Shouldn’t Be Castrated,” click her link. Feedback is always welcome below or via email (ali@rnjstaff.com). 

Thoughts On The 5th Year Process

At the end of the year (last year), I was trying to decide what I really wanted to happen for this upcoming year… and I pondered and made a few lists and scratched out things that weren’t as important to me. I’ve come up with a collective list, and some things have actually already happened for us. But, as of right now, here’s my goals for RNJ. 

1. Create a new website. I’m very blessed that I have friends who care about this organization, and care about the future of this organization. A dear friend of mine will be graduating with her graphic design degree this semester and has offered to design us a website, with a new logo, a brand name, and if we’re lucky, we make get some t-shirts out of her. This is all in the process, and I’m truly excited for what is coming our way. 

2. Phone application. This would take aspects of the website and transform them into a moldable phone application, featuring updates, contact information, and the forums. The goal here is that even people who are on the go more often than not, or don’t have access to a computer all the time, can still be connected and not have to deal with the hassle of using a web browser from their cell phone. Set back: Finances. Phone applications are expensive, and I have to ensure, too, that our graphic designer would be capable of designing something for us without hassle. 

3. Mapping Campaign. This is something I’m really excited to do. I can’t tell you much, the mapping campaign is something that I think is really going to take off. My Education Outreach team will probably take over this throughout the summer. Set back: Finding all the information will take a great deal of time. We no longer have an International Outreach team, so we’re limited to the United States at this time. 

4. Advocate Connect Call Respondents. We’ve sent out tons of applications, but people seem to get scared. I’m not really sure why, but we never hear back after people receive an application. My guess is that the applications are intimidating. We need about 8-10 people for this particular department. Set back: Not receiving applications back.

5. Peer Advocate/Client Session Books. These are currently being researched. They will take a lot of time, and they’re going to cost us a penny (or two). However, they can be purchased even if you’re not working with a Peer Advocate. They’re a step-by-step guide, that we hope to release by September, working through the healing steps. They’re not an original idea, as there’s many handbooks out there in the world, but we are personalizing them to our demographic, our Peer Advocates style and terms, and they should be a really beneficial project for each individual person. Currently, the only set back is finances, but we’re a long way off from being ready.

These are the things that are most important to me as we go through this process of making our name this year. These are things that I’ve really wanted to see happen for a really long time and I’m hoping they can happen today. If you are interested in helping in these sections, or interested in donating resources, please email me at ali@rnjstaff.com. 

My 5th Birthday →

alimarkunwritten:

Five years ago, I was 16 years old, with a mess of hair, blue eyes, and a disaster of a romance, and my first self-published book, with a pot full of problems I was willing to share. I was sitting in my American history class, that I never really much paid attention in, talking to my best friend a…

Absent

I’ve been very absent. Like you all, I go through ups- and downs-. I’m, human (or so we think I am, anyways). My school schedule has been a hot mess of OMG. However, I’m trying to make it out alive. I wish (truly, I do) that I could put RNJ first. I will always want that for you all, for my team, and for myself. But, unfortunately, there’s that stupid thing called school, that I love dearly, and I feel horrible when I do poorly. I have been playing catch up, between this and that, and then of course, I went on my first 5-day vacation EVER since RNJ started… (which was so blissful, might I add — I actually miss getting spit up on). I promise I will come back to you as soon as I can. I’m trying to make it all happen. 

Next week’s birthday celebrations are freaking AMAZING. Seriously. They are just absolutely fantastic. I’m so thrilled to have the ability, as a team, and as an organization to give away hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise and also, things that a staff member made and donated. You guys are so fantastic, and we really want you to be able to see that we care and that you guys make this happen. RNJ doesn’t happen because we make it happen. It happens because we are powered by you. This is your organization to volunteer for, to send ideas, to submit artwork — this is your home and your safety net and we’re here for you, just like you’re here for us. 

Peer Advocate Services Update

For the first time since RNJ has been taking on clients through the Peer Advocate Services, there may be a wait list. Which is unfortunate, but also promising. 

Each Peer Advocate, depending on their schedule outside of RNJ, has a maximum number of clients. Typically, that number is 3. We currently only have two permanent Peer Advocates with (at this point), three clients between the two of us. I have recently added two individuals to my clientele list and Elizabeth may also be adding two. This is such an amazing experience, and I’m sure I’ll speak for both of us, because we get to be that powerful voice and sound of reassurance during this dark time.

However, the wait list, while right now is just a small bud on a tree, may come into effect. In order to ensure that each client gets the proper attention and focus from a Peer Advocate, while not exposing Advocates to VT (vicarious trauma), we must begin to form a plan B. 

If there becomes a need for the wait list, as it appears there may be with the sudden surge of potential new clients, some individuals may have to wait a minimum of one week (with no sure maximum). We have two staff members (currently) who are looking to move to the Peer Advocate department, which could expand our ability to have a potential of 12 clients. Until each of those individuals are ready to take that step, we may have to put clients on a wait list. It may be that some clients can fit in to an Advocate’s schedule no problem, and it may be that there’s a severe conflict with scheduling that hinders a client and Advocate to meet properly. At this time (March 6, 2012), it’s fair to say that there are two more openings for clients and the wait will be two weeks, at minimum, before a specific outline can be made. 

For those who are not familiar with the Peer Advocate program, a brief description is below: 

Peer Advocates are just peers who are advocating for your healing process. You fill out a KickStart form (a sense of an application that gives me, Ali, a chance to address which Advocate would be the most beneficial to your needs. From there, you will meet once or twice a week via IM or text message or whatever medium works to talk about your healing process and life-events. As time progresses, the hope is that you will find less dependency on your Peer Advocate and find your strength and courage to live a renewed life.

Any further questions on this matter can be addressed to ali@rnjstaff.com All international individuals should, however, contact elizabeth@rnjstaff.com. 

BDSM & Rape — Is There A Difference? Or A Fine Line?

Recently, RNJ received a question regarding their sexual relationship. They said, in paraphrase, their sexual relationship was painful, physically and mentally, if BDSM was not at the core of their sexual experiences. I believe that first, I should probably define BDSM for those of you who aren’t familiar with what it is. 

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and machoism. It’s a sexual experience that is seen as performance sexuality and expression involving the consensual use of constraints, whips, chains, and other non-sexual and sexual items to enhance the sexual experience. 

That being said, in the definition, “consensual” is used. Using rough, or sometimes called “kinky” sex, to cope with a sexual assault can be dangerous. Outside of the dangers of BDSM (strangulation, accidental bodily harm, or in some rare cases, death), sexual relationships to cope with a rape or sexual assault can be harmful to the process of healing. Some individuals become extremely averse to sexual relationships.

However, some individuals find that being sexual can be therapeutic to their sexual healing journey. Research shows (Beginning to Heal, Ellen Bass) that some victims will attach to sexual relationships in order to experience a few things: (1) it gives the victim a sense of control over their future sexual happenings; (2) it gives the victim an opportunity to feel a sense of attraction, inner-outer attractiveness, affection, and love; (3) and finally, victims who take control of their sexual relationships after a sexual assault sometimes gain a sense of strength and courage. 

It’s important to process if being sexual is potentially hindering your healing. It’s hard to make any blanket statements about BDSM and rape, but if you have questions, please don’t hesitate to contact myself, or another staff member, to discuss your specific situation. 

Trigger Log

I have a Trigger Log format, that I’ve used with some of my clients. And I realize how frequently I suggest people use one, and then realized I’ve never showed anyone what they are. I added more to this one because if you don’t have a sponsor/PA/counselor/etc., you’re left to reflect on your own — and it’s not as easy to remember things if you don’t write it down. Below is what it looks like. If you want one, so you don’t have to make one… there’s enough on this sheet for like, 20 flashbacks/nightmares/triggers, etc. 

The explanation basically, is that you write the date and time of the flashback (self-explanatory). The location is wherever you were — work, school, bedroom, kitchen, park, bus, etc. Noted surroundings is an explanation of who or what you remember being around. Note sounds, smells, etc. is the same thing but use of senses other than your eyes. Length of flashback — usually, this is an estimate. I always suggest sending yourself a text when you start having a flashback so you know when the flashback started. Flashbacks can seem like ETERNITY. Most of the time, it’s like, 10 minutes of flashback and 45 minutes of calming down. It’s important to know how long you’re disoriented for, because it can help in the future. The next box is the flashback technique used to stop the flashback. Sometimes, you won’t have anything to put here. Sometimes, you can put ice trick, pepper, cold bath, etc. It’s good to see what things work for certain triggers or even in certain places, areas, etc. The coping technique is just as important as talking about the flashback. And the last box is what happened in the flashback. Some triggers are going to trigger only certain memories or emotions. It’s important to know what elicits what response. 

If you have questions or want the form, email me.